Understanding IFS Therapy: A Path to Inner Healing
Have you ever noticed different parts of yourself seeming to want different things? Maybe one part of you wants to take a risk while another holds you back. Or perhaps you've experienced an internal conflict where part of you feels angry while another part tries to keep the peace. This isn't a sign of dysfunction—it's actually a beautiful reflection of the complexity of the human psyche. And it's exactly what Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is designed to work with.
What is IFS Therapy?
Internal Family Systems therapy, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, is a transformative approach to psychotherapy that recognizes we all have multiple "parts" within us. Rather than seeing our conflicting thoughts and feelings as problems to eliminate, IFS views them as protective parts that are trying to help us—often in ways they learned a long time ago.
The Core Principles of IFS
At the heart of IFS are several key concepts:
Our parts are trying to protect us. Even the parts we don't like—our inner critic, our people-pleasing tendencies, our avoidance strategies—developed to keep us safe in some way. IFS teaches us to approach these parts with curiosity rather than judgment.
We all have a Self. Beneath our parts, IFS recognizes a core Self that embodies qualities like compassion, curiosity, clarity, and calm. This isn't something we need to develop—it's already within us, waiting to lead our internal system.
Parts can heal and transform. When we help our protective parts feel safe enough to step back, we can access and heal the wounded parts (called "exiles") that carry our pain and trauma. Once these exiles are healed, our protective parts can relax and take on new, healthier roles.
The Benefits of IFS Therapy
IFS offers a unique approach to healing that can benefit nearly anyone, regardless of their specific challenges. Here are some of the profound benefits I've witnessed:
Increased Self-Compassion
Instead of battling against yourself or trying to eliminate parts you don't like, IFS helps you develop a compassionate relationship with all aspects of yourself. This internal shift often leads to decreased anxiety, reduced self-criticism, and a greater sense of wholeness.
Healing Trauma Without Retraumatization
IFS provides a gentle, parts-led approach to trauma healing. By ensuring that protective parts feel safe before accessing wounded parts, the process respects your internal system's wisdom about what you're ready to face and when.
Better Relationships
As you develop more harmony within your internal system, you'll likely notice improvements in your external relationships too. When your parts feel heard and understood, they're less likely to hijack your interactions with others. You become more present, more authentic, and more able to respond rather than react.
Relief from Anxiety and Depression
Many symptoms of anxiety and depression stem from internal conflicts and exiled pain. IFS helps resolve these conflicts and heal the underlying wounds, often leading to significant symptom relief that feels sustainable because it comes from deep internal change.
IFS in My Own Healing Journey
I'll be honest—discovering IFS was a turning point in my own life, not just my professional practice. Like many therapists, I entered this field carrying my own wounds and questions about healing.
For years, I struggled with a harsh inner critic that seemed determined to point out every flaw and mistake. Through traditional therapy, I'd tried to challenge these critical thoughts, to replace them with positive affirmations, but nothing quite stuck. The critic would quiet for a while, then come roaring back.
When I first learned about IFS, I was skeptical. Talk to my parts? It seemed almost too simple. But when I began to approach my inner critic with genuine curiosity—asking what it was afraid would happen if it stopped criticizing me—everything shifted. I discovered this part was terrified that if it didn't keep me in check, I'd become complacent or make terrible mistakes that would lead to rejection.
This part had been working overtime since childhood, trying to keep me safe. And once I truly understood this, I could feel compassion for it rather than resentment. Over time, with patience and IFS work, this part began to trust that it didn't need to be so harsh. It's still around—it's part of me, after all—but now it offers feedback in a much kinder, more helpful way.
The Ongoing Journey
My work with IFS isn't finished—I don't think it ever really is, and that's okay. I continue to discover new parts, unburden old wounds, and develop a deeper relationship with my Self. This ongoing journey has given me profound respect for the process and genuine empathy for the courage it takes to do this work.
Why I Love Using IFS in My Practice
Bringing IFS into my work with clients has been one of the most rewarding decisions of my professional life. Here's why:
It Honors Each Person's Unique System
No two people's internal systems are exactly alike. IFS doesn't impose a one-size-fits-all approach. Instead, it allows each person to discover their own parts, their own protective strategies, and their own path to healing. I get to witness each client's unique inner world unfold, which never ceases to amaze me.
Clients Become Their Own Healers
Rather than positioning myself as the expert who fixes problems, IFS allows me to guide clients in accessing their own inner wisdom. When someone discovers they have the capacity to heal themselves by connecting with their Self, the empowerment is profound. They leave therapy not just feeling better, but with tools and confidence to continue their healing journey independently.
The Work Goes Deep
IFS doesn't just address symptoms—it addresses root causes. When we heal the exiled parts carrying old pain and help protective parts update their roles, the changes tend to be lasting. I've seen clients transform patterns they've struggled with for decades, not through white-knuckling or willpower, but through genuine internal healing.
It Creates Space for True Transformation
Perhaps what I love most is witnessing the moment when a client connects with their Self for the first time. There's a palpable shift—in their voice, their posture, their energy. They access a part of themselves that's been there all along but may have been buried under years of protective strategies. It's in these moments that real transformation becomes possible.
Beginning Your Own IFS Journey
Whether you're struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship issues, or simply feel disconnected from yourself, IFS offers a path forward that honors your complexity while helping you find your way back to wholeness.
If you're curious about exploring IFS therapy, I'd be honored to walk alongside you on this journey. The work requires courage, patience, and compassion—for all your parts, not just the ones you like. But in my experience, both personally and professionally, it's some of the most meaningful work we can do.
Your parts have been protecting you for a long time. Maybe it's time to thank them, understand them, and help them heal so you can step more fully into who you really are.
If you'd like to learn more about how IFS therapy might support your healing journey, I invite you to reach out. I'd be glad to answer any questions and discuss whether this approach might be right for you. Reach out today to book a free consultation, and let's begin this journey together.